(Excerpt from “Dark Knight”)
ANGRY CROWD MEMBER: Things are worse than ever!
DENT: Yes, they are. But the night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you…the dawn is coming. One day, the Batman will have to answer for the laws he’s broken. But to us…
…not to this madman.
POLICE OFFICER: No more dead cops!
(Appreciative noise)
He should turn himself in!
MAN 2: Give us the Batman! Come on!
MAN 3: Where is he?
(People take up the chant. Dent has lost them. He knows it.)
—UNABLE TO READ DISC—
This is one of the most annoying things in life, and there are tons of ways it could be prevented. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, but I’ll tell you whose fault it is anyway. It’s my fault, your fault, and it’s the movie store’s fault.
I don’t know what the heck you guys do with your rented DVDs when you get them home. Perhaps you open them up, throw them against the wall, take a needle to them, cut your bagels on them, mistake them for vinyls, whatever. I wish you would stop doing these things.
Correct procedure for DVD use:
1. Remove DVD from case
2. Place unscathed disc in DVD Player
3. Watch and enjoy
4. Remove unscathed disc from DVD Player
5. Place DVD back in case
6. Return to movie store
It seems like something happens between steps one and two, or between four and five, that brings many of us a great deal of sorrow. Because it seems like half the films I rent from the movie store skip at at least one point in the movie, but never at the beginning of the movie. That would allow for a quick trip back to the store to replace it with another disc, likely still damaged. But no, the disc will skip only a good hour and a half into the movie, usually right over a climactic point in the film and after closing hours. So I beg you: treat rented DVDs with respect.
Another reason it’s our fault is because we don’t bother to tell the stores when the DVDs are damaged. We curse at the screen as it happens, we complain, get angry, and then we take the DVD back to the store and drop it in the return box without saying a word so some innocent family can rent it out, hoping for a good family movie, completely unsuspecting of the frustration they’re going to endure when Golem bites off Frodo’s finger and suddenly all the hobbits are tackling him in his bed. But we do blog about it.
Put a note on it. ‘Scratched.’ Easy as π. Then maybe the store will do something about it. Probably not, but maybe. Or if you really want to go all out, crack the DVD in half, put it back in the case, and attach a note saying that it’s ‘Scratched in half.’ They likely won’t ignore such a drastic scratch.
But the ones I feel are the most responsible are the movie stores. You know how when you go to a grocery store, you often don’t see a rotting fruit in the produce section, or expired milk in the fridge, or leaking yogurt containers? That’s because it’s the store’s job to observe these things and then deal with them. I’ll admit it’s probably harder to detect a scratched disc than a rotting strawberry, but the principle is the same: it’s the store’s responsibility to make sure the things they’re selling aren’t broken. Here’s an ingenious idea: a switch on the DVD case.
A) Damaged >= [
B) Good ^_^
Go ahead and steal that. I won’t even patent it! Go for it. I’m not stopping you.
It’s terribly ironic that when you rent or buy a DVD, there’s always some advertisement telling you not to pirate. Nothing like a good guilt trip before you watch a movie you just payed for. Friggin’ hipsters. Not to mention a lot of DVDs don’t even let you skip past the ads to get to the actual film. How about you lay off since I’m obviously watching a movie I payed for, even though it’s going to be scratched and annoying. Do you think that when people upload movies onto Pirate Bay, that they’re going to upload it with the advertisements telling you not to pirate? No, because that’s one of the beauties of piracy. So if you want people to come to the movie store and support the art of film making, I suggest you demonstrate an act of kindness for the world and monitor your freaking DVDs so people won’t be so tempted to break the law. Thanks.
Sincerely,
David