I’m starting to become pretty disconcerted about the way I’ve learned to build my reputation. I strongly believe that it’s important to have a good reputation; one should work hard to maintain it. And though I’d say that in general, I’ve done that, I’ve done it the wrong way: I do it by never letting people know about the mistakes I make, and so far it’s worked all too perfectly.
Although I don’t hide what I know to be flaws without making any effort to self-improve, I still hide them. Only God and I know every dirty little secret I have, which I’ve always thought was fine. But now it’s starting to wear on me. You see, I have phenomenal friends who are always complimenting me. I’m extremely thankful for them and appreciate them so much, but they don’t know all the bad things about me. They don’t know my past and they don’t know many of my current struggles either. That doesn’t necessarily render their compliments invalid, but it would mean so much more to me coming from someone who knows all of the ways I fail, since you can’t be sure if someone who didn’t know would actually say the same thing about you if they did know. For instance, probably the best compliment I’ve ever received was from my youth pastor’s wife, who said, “If I have boys, I’ll want them to be like you.” Amazing compliment, but really? Because I doubt you want your boys to look at porn and have sexual fantasies about girls at school.
Have you ever performed in front a bunch of people, and totally massacred your performance? You know you butchered it because you know how it’s supposed to be performed. The audience, however, only sees the surface. They don’t necessarily notice all the mistakes you know you made. So after the performance, everyone tells you how amazing and talented you are. You can’t say, “Actually I sucked the big one out there,” because that would be rude. So you have to smile and say, “Thank you!” but you hate doing that because you know that really it was awful.
That’s how I feel. I don’t usually mess up drastically enough for it to hit the headlines, but I mess up a lot. I just don’t tell anyone, so it’s actually kind of draining, because you have to keep accepting compliments while thinking, “Would that person really have said that if they knew…?
At church, leaders have been pushing us to have accountability partners, which are close friends that hold each other accountable for the sin they’re struggling with, and who pray for and encourage each other so they can get passed it. It’s a good idea I guess, but it wouldn’t solve my problem at all. Telling one close friend about my problems with sin doesn’t fix the uneasiness of hiding myself from all my other friends. Strangely enough, if you had asked me a few months ago if I had an accountability partner, I would have suggested that accountability partners are for people who care so little about what God thinks that they need someone other than Him to hold them accountable for their sins. But now I feel like if we (Christians) want to be seen as honest and not hypocritical, then we need to be open and personal when we make mistakes. And not just to one person, because if we aren’t afraid to divulge our sins, others will feel more safe.
This is the first time where I’ve had weird urges to write a blog post listing all of the worst things I’ve ever done and have everyone read it, so that when someone does say something nice to me, I can take comfort that it’s coming from someone who knows all my imperfections.
I don’t think any of my friends would like me any less if they knew all this bad stuff about me anyway, because they’re good friends. So what am I afraid of? If anything, they’re likely to try and justify my mistakes. Friends tend to do that. I know I’ve done it before. Here’s an example:
The other day I was taking the metro. Two young guys came on, and though I didn’t actually see what happened, it became clear by the ensuing verbal exchange that they had pushed a lady on their way in and she wasn’t happy about it. But instead of apologizing, they started swearing at her, calling her names and just being extremely disrespectful. I looked at them, thought about saying something, and didn’t. That’s called a sin of omission, when you know what you should do and don’t do it. There aren’t any excuses either, because I know that if I was that woman, I would’ve wanted someone to stick up for me.
So I sent a message to my friend about it. She, being the wonderfully nice person that she is, said it might’ve been a good idea not to say anything to avoid an even bigger conflict. She may be right, but I maintain that I was just a coward. In any case, she’s a great friend. But after confessing to a friend, I would be totally fine with them being like, “Yeah, well I still love you,” or, “Just be prepared to act differently next time.” In fact, I would prefer that because love and encouragement is all you need in response to confession. Imagine you’ve just revealed the worst thing you’ve ever done. Obviously you’re aware of your mistake; you don’t need to be guilt tripped or anything, but you don’t need anyone to make excuses for you either. You just need a hug or something.
We know we’re supposed to set an example for Christ, but we’re faced with this problem: we’re not Christ; we’re not perfect like Him. So when we sin, we don’t even know what to do. We can’t ask, “What would Jesus do?” in that situation because Jesus never sinned, and therefore has never been in a position where He’s had to confess. So since we’re supposed to try and be like Him, we assume the best thing to do when we’re not like Him is to make sure no one knows about it so it seems like we are. But in doing that, we just become vaults that we guard at all costs, filled with information that we don’t want anyone to see and it’s really self-oppressive. Personally, I’m kind of tired of living that way.
I think that if we all started confessing more openly, we would start to realize that it’s not all that bad when people know stuff about you. In fact, I would hazard a guess that it would be more encouraging since so many of us struggle with the same things.
Warning: The following may make you uncomfortable if you weren’t already. >= D
I still remember a Bible study back in high school on purity. We had all the guys and girls separated and the guy leading the male discussion said, “Studies show 96% of men have admitted to having masturbated and the other 4% are liars.” I’m laughing just thinking about that now, but at the time, every single guy at the study just sat in silence looking at each other. Even though it was a perfect opportunity for us to confess and be encouraged by the fact that we’re not alone, we refused to say a word. No one wanted to be the first guy to say, “Yep…” So we all went back home that night, still feeling completely alone in our sin instead of just coming out about it and taking the opportunity to build each other up.
For all of high school and even afterwards, I was totally ruled by sexual sin. And though things have drastically improved, I’m still not at a point where I can say it’s in the past. I really believe that so much of the reason it took so long was because I absolutely refused to tell anyone about it. But now that I think about it, so what if people know? Especially when it comes to something like masturbation. No guy can be like, “Yar har, you masturbate,” because they probably do too.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. “
~James 5:16
When I see the words ‘one another,’ I tend to think it means more than between two people, that it means the church in general. That’s just my logic though. It’s not a plot to get all my church friends to tell me all their secrets. But I’m going to make an effort to be more honest because I feel like if we were to be more open with each other in a church setting, that non Christians would be more likely to see the church as a safe, nonjudgmental place. And that, currently, is certainly not how the church is seen.
It’s not an easy thing, but it’s easier if people are willing to take the first steps. Think and pray about it and all that of course. And pray for those who you know are battling sin!
Submission to the Authorities
Thursday, August 18th, 2011One of many beneficial things about the Bible is its ability to change the way you think. It is often in conflict with our natural way of thinking, but once you study it, or sometimes even just read it, you’ll start to see how you are wrong and God is right.
One personal example of this was the topic of speaking in tongues. I remember being at camp when I was younger and my counselor shared his testimony with us. He talked about how he grew so close to God that he spoke in tongues. Right away, I thought to myself, “That’s so cool. Speaking an unknown language directly to God? I want to be that close to God. I want to speak in tongues.” The idea of having that gift was so exciting to me because it’s a supernatural communication with God. It also makes sense to want to know God that well.
However, if you read 1st Corinthians 14, Paul basically says that speaking in tongues is extremely overrated and often abused. “Now, brothers, if I come to you and speak in tongues, what good will I be to you, unless I bring you some revelation or knowledge or prophecy or word of instruction?” 1st Corithians 14:6
“So it is with you. Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air.” 1st Corinthians 14:9
He goes on to say that it makes more sense to speak five words that people can understand than ten thousand words in a tongue.
So right there, my seemingly logical outlook on tongues was dashed to pieces and I saw a new, better logic. That even though tongues can be a beneficial thing in private, it isn’t any use to the church uninterpreted. And that’s why I love the Bible. It’s smarter than me.
All that to introduce what I actually want to address: a case where I absolutely cannot stand what the Bible is telling me.
Romans 13 talks about submitting to your governing authorities. Living in Canada, that isn’t such a hard task. There isn’t a whole lot to complain about or that goes against the Bible, especially when you compare it to other countries in the world. And it’s some of those countries that I can’t imagine living in, not just because of poor government, but because if I were to listen to what Romans says, I would be forced in some cases to respect the fact that I wouldn’t be allowed to follow the Bible. How can I respect that? If you don’t obey your parents, you’re not respecting them. The same goes for government, so Christians living in countries where Christianity is illegal find themselves in an impossible position where they can’t obey the Bible without disobeying it as well.
“Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” Romans 13:1-2
Again, not so hard in North America. I mean, there are always those disagreements like what the government is doing about global warming, how money is being spent, and I guess the gay marriage and abortion deals, but I think almost all of us agree that we live in one of the most well-off and moral countries in the world. But what about countries like Iran, where the government puts you to death for not being a Muslim; or North Korea, where citizens are trapped in ignorance about the rest of the world and indoctrinated from birth to worship a leader who willingly allows millions of his people to starve to death? Am I to believe that these governments are “established by God” and that by rebelling against them, I’m “rebelling against what God has instituted?” I can’t get a handle on that because that would mean that human rights organizations who fight against these governments are sinful and are “bringing judgment on themselves.” I don’t believe that for one second.
I won’t dignify the argument that it’s okay to rebel against governments that aren’t your own, because it makes no sense to say that Christian Iranians who stand up for themselves are sinning, but people outside of Iran who fight the Iranian government aren’t, simply because they weren’t born there. Bogus. Moving on.
“For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.” Romans 13:3-4
Can anyone tell me honestly that Saddam Hussein meant no harm to the people he killed? Did Joseph Stalin commend Russian peasants for their hard work, or did he murder them and steal their property? Was Adolph Hitler an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrong-doing Jews? Was Kim Il-Sung a servant of God, or was he a selfish tyrant who wanted to be worshiped?
I don’t claim to have the answer to this passage, but I’ll give you my current interpretation: if a ruler matches the description Romans 13:3-4 gives, then I’ll consider them an authority established by God. If the leader of my country/state/province/city holds no terror for those who do right, commends those who do right, and punishes wrongdoers, they have my respect. Otherwise, forget it. I find the idea that people who are abused and oppressed by their government should deal with it because the Bible says their leader is a servant of God absolutely grotesque.
As you can see, I don’t have any answers here. I’m really just questioning the Bible and coming up kind of empty. So I appreciate any thoughts on the subject, especially if they offer insight into Romans 13 that isn’t totally naive.
Tags: Christianity, Romans 13, romans 13 commentary, romans 13 interpretation, submission to the authorities, submitting to the authorities
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